well f*ck. or, 2011, the year of crying.

Next January, before I tell Jesus I want depth with him this year, someone stop me. Getting to the depths is hard, and it hurts along the way. The picture I have of myself right now is one of someone standing in the ocean, digging her hands and feet in the sand, reaching for anything to hold onto as the waves hit, over and over again. 

The depths. 

If I'm honest, I want to go back to January and tell Jesus, "Eh, if this year could just pretty easy, that would be fine. No need for depth here."  But I asked for depth, and I am getting it.

What's hard is the means by which I'm being drawn closer to Jesus. Now, I'm not trying to have a pity-party here. But let me just share with you what those means have been:

1. a fairly traumatic trip to the ER, after which I found out I have a cyst the size of a racquetball in my body. I guess I should spare some of those details, but let me just say that they were giving me multiple doses of morphine, and it did not remedy the pain.
2. my parents moved from dayton to salt lake city. that means they now live 1700 miles away.
3. my sister and brother-in-law moved from DC to breckenridge. I don't even like skiing.
4. my grandma passed away after battling alzheimer's for years.
5. twenty days later my other grandma passed away.
6. I got dumped. which also meant 1. I stopped leading my small group because the person I led it with is also the one who dumped me, 2. I don't get to hang out with a bunch of my friends as much, 3. I'm down a best friend.
7. I am soon to be unemployed. and let me tell you, there is not a surplus of jobs in ohio.  

Now, I'm just trying to be honest, not sappy. Yeah, I have cried a lot this year. I went from being a girl who who cried less than her male friends, to one who is crying ALL THE FREAKING TIME. But,Jesus cried, so I'm in good company.

The good news is (besides the gospel) my mom sent me an email this morning in which she relayed some info she heard on the news that women who drink 1-2 alcoholic beverages a day are less likely to gain weight. Thanks mom!